Stuff I Think and Shouldn’t Say 50: The More Things Change

…the more they stay the same.

Justin Timberlake’s “Sexy Back” is stuck in my head all day, every day. If I hear any combination of the words “sexy” or “back” at any time, it instantly pops into my head. It’s crack.

It made me think about what it is, exactly, that creates a super-catchy pop tune? Everything is formulaic with music, but there is something distinct about that song. The Germans called it an “ear worm,” as it buries it’s way in your head without you having any knowledge.

Is it dangerous?

No.

But I almost ran over a man on a bicycle today while singing along…like a bitch. I was singing so hard that I almost ran over a grown man; a 250 pound hairy, dirty man on a dented red Schwinn almost got killed because I gave in to JT’s charms.

It wasn’t his fault. I forgot to bring Tracy’s iPod to work this afternoon and had to listen to the radio on the way in. It was a Saturday, so there were no “shows” on, just music. I heard this song on the way in, and was humming it up until I opened the door to my office.

I spent the better part of the day looking at the 50-inch TV on the wall while I made phone calls. My job entails a great number of phone calls, so I had lots to forget about Timberlake and Timbaland. It was quite easy, or so I thought.

Then, my boss’s phone rang. He, too, was “bringing sexy back.” I didn’t feel so alone or dirty anymore. My boss is a pretty cool guy, but he was hooked. We were both jonesing for the same thing.

The beat is retarded. Not “trainable” retarded, just really f*cking dope. It makes me want to punch myself in the groin four or five times. Why?

It’s punishment for not dancing every time it comes on. If I don’t dance, I get angry. If I get angry, for some reason, this song makes me want to punch groins. If mine is handy, I punch mine. I punched Salty in the dick two weeks ago because of this song. I even changed a line to fit with my groin-sault.

“I’m bringing sexy back“

“This effing song is musical crack“

I wonder if others are punching groins as well.

Let me know.

.::.Some Stuff I’m Thinking.::.

So, I am sure that you all checked out the Broken Dial preview, right? If you haven’t, I will let you do that for a second, then get back to me.

Now that you are back here, I wanted to let you know a few things:
1) I am not leaving Inside Pulse, so stop sending me emails about it.

2) That isn’t how the page is going to look. It’s a static sample on the V2 (version #2 of Inside Pulse) layout, and nothing will look like that. I have seen it, and it looks very cool. You will like it.

3) The things that I have changed in the column over the past few months were deliberate: I was acclimating the IP-SMS readers to the artists we will be covering in Broken Dial.

4) The name is not meant to be a slight or to sound pompous. In fact, I don’t know what it means, but it sounds cool to me. I could sit here and tell you that it was deliberate on my part, and that there are many things that made me choose it. That wouldn’t be true, as I put up my top ten names on the IP Super Secret Hush Hush Staff Boards and we all voted. That name won. The runner-up: Shawn’s Awesome and All of You Want His Jock. Dot com. It was too long a name. (Ssquared Note: I am only kidding. The runner-up sounded like a shed with vinyl in it. That’s all I am allowed to say, legally. Yes, I am serious.)

5) I got a job. Working. Yes, a job where I go and make money and it doesn’t involve retail sales or restaurant work. I might make good money, but I am not too sure. I haven’t been paid yet.

6) Jon Widro is a genius. This might be seen as hyperbole, but the guy lead another site to prominence, started his own, and instead of packing it in when things didn’t go as well as he would have liked, he evolved. The guy is a f*cking chameleon. You should see what his skin does when he is standing in front of a black leather coach. He turns into George Hamilton.

7) Life is good.

So, things are changing. Everyone is adapting really well, but there are those among us that won’t be around. Like Eric Katz. He won’t be helping out with V3. In fact, no one has any idea where the guy is. It’s been years, but if he tries to log into V3, I promise you that someone might have thought about kind of attempting to lock him out.

(Ssquared Note #2: Eric Katz was the “indie info” guy when I first started here at Inside Pulse. He disappeared, to my knowledge, but if anyone knows where he is, tell him that he is to me as Warren Woo is to Fernandez. If he doesn’t understand, slap the sandwich out of his hand and tell him that “love is all you need.” He’ll know it’s a message from me.)

I am also not allowed to tell you all that the fake Hyatt(e) was Trish Stratus. If you get neither of those jokes (as there are two equally bad jokes there for you to giggle at,) good. It means that you read my column and don’t come to Inside Pulse for wrestling coverage. That makes me smile.

Since I have joined Inside Pulse, the token music chick and our resident MC both were married, Greg Wind had another child (Hank!), Widro has had at least 50 girlfriends. Over 30,000 columns were created during that time, which equals the combined number or hits on every column Matthew Michaels ever wrote…ever! Daniels un-retired from writing and has two columns now, Cam left to write in Sports, Mathan told us how his name was really pronounced, Fernandez took a “hiatus,” D’Errico brought us new classics and KDP and I bickered over 100 times.

I moved to NYC. I moved out of my first and second apartments in NYC, and have finally settled on a location in the area I first moved into. I learned how to act like a New Yorker while I am behind the wheel, I know what Spumoni is and where the best place is to get it. I have bitched about the state of the music industry and interviewed a wrestler that I know my girlfriend has the hots for (while she was in the room!)

I started an improv comedy group that fell apart and forgot that I wanted to be a stand-up comedian while I earned shitty money handing people salads and bowls of pasta. I threw up on public transportation and almost died in the Caribbean.

I played fair, I took cheap shots, but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

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M. Ward is a fantastic songwriter that seemingly doesn’t get much mainstream coverage. For fans of Jack Johnson or John Mayer, his new album, Post-War (out today!) blends the elements you love about those artists with the subtle bluegrass element that you don’t find on Pop Radio. If you loved Uncle Tupelo or Whiskeytown, please, please, please check Post-War out.
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The QUICKY-FAST News!
brought to you by

.:.It’s a Motley World.:.
Pre-production has started on the Motley Crue bio-pic based on their outrageous biography ‘The Dirt’.

The movie, which takes the same name, promises to be a cracker if it’s anything like Neil Strauss’ book – which candily details the poodle-rockers’ raucous behaviour as they live out all their Spinal Tap fantasies.

‘Borat’ director Larry Charles will helm the movie, which will shoot in Los Angeles, according to Production Weekly.

The movie had been put on hold last year after David Fincher pulled out to do another project.
(Credit: Gigwise.com)

My biggest regret is that Nikki Sixx and Mick Mars won’t be around to see…wait, they’re still alive? Who the hell would have known!

Did you guys actually know that?

See, Tommy’s doing that Rockstar show, Vince did a Remaking episode on VH1, but I just figured that the other guys died. Maybe that’s cruel, but I don’t care.

I loved Motley Crue as a child. I didn’t get a chance to check out this book, but if they have tons of boobies in the flick, I am there. It’s a rule I have.

If you make a biographic movie about a debaucherous band, there has to be hot groupie action. I also want them to include the scene where Tommy gets a woman’s lips tattoed around his asshole.

That’s the coolest thing ever.

.:.Lawsuits? They’re Tricky!.:.

80s rock band The Knack takes on Run DMC for unauthorized sampling.

Los Angeles – September 15, 2006 – Members of the 80s rock band The Knack today filed a lawsuit against the members of Run DMC, and Run DMC’s producers, distributors, publishers and record companies, over Run DMC’s use of an unlicensed sample of The Knack ‘s 1979 platinum hit “My Sharona” in Run DMC’s song, “It’s Tricky.”
(credit: Rolling Stone.com)

It only took 20 years to remember to file this lawsuit. In the two decades it took the Knack’s STELLAR attorney’s to sue for the royalties, DMC lost his voice, Jam Master Jay was murdered, and Run had his own TV show on MTV. My baby sister has graduated grade school, high school, college, bought a house, got engaged and received her Masters before the Knack “thought” about doing something? That’s pathetic.
The Knack?

Yeah, they are still around, I guess. “My Sharona” was the song I used to sing to my mom to annoy her as a kid. Her name is Sharon, and I wasn’t “technically” saying her name when I was singing it, so I did it to drive her nuts. It worked. My mom should be in some sort of crazy house after all the shit I put her through, but this has nothing to do with the news.

Back on topic: if this lawsuit takes even ONE penny from Jay’s family, I will personally punch someone in the face. There, apparently, isn’t a statute of limitations for this type of case, but I think that one decade should be the standard from here on out.

Stupid, greedy motherf*ckers!

.:.New Yorkers LOVE Blonde Redhead!.:.

CMJ announced some rad-tastic new performers for this year’s CMJ Music Marathon (October 31-November 4 in New York City.) Some are names you might know (George Clinton, the Shins, Tapes ‘n Tapes, Clipse, the Black Keys), and others you might not, but really should GET to know (Magnolia Electric Co., Apples in Stereo, the Plastic Constellations, the Thermals, Blonde Redhead.)

Full lineup (with the latest additions first):
The Shins, Clipse, the Thermals, Girl Talk, Tapes ‘n Tapes, Magnolia Electric Co., George Clinton, Beach House, Figurines, Architecture in Helsinki, Cansei de Ser Sexy, Apples in Stereo, Peanut Butter Wolf, the Plastic Constellations, +/-, J Rocc, Oh No, Dudley Perkins, Roc C, Aloe Blacc, Georgia Anne Muldrow, Feathers, What Made Milwaukee Famous, the Ms, Parts & Labor, Ladyhawk, Get Him Eat Him, Aloha, the Album Leaf, Oxford Collapse, Forward, Russia!, the Annuals, Human Television, Cex, David Bazan, the Drones, Cale Parks, the Big Sleep, Call Me Lightning, Rahim, Pit er Pat, Excepter, Fog, Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings, Tokyo Police Club, Land of Talk, Bobby Conn & the Glass Gypsies, Skeletons & the Girl Faced Boys, An Albatross, Mickey Avalon

Previously announced:
The Knife, Deerhoof, the Slits, Hot Chip, the Black Keys, Madlib, Califone, Jason Forrest Band, 120 Days, Portastatic, Oakley Hall, Thunderbirds Are Now!, Professor Murder, Blonde Redhead, Ben Lee, Erase Errata, Blue Cheer, Cold War Kids, Cloud Cult, Silversun Pickups, White Whale, Percee P, Dr. Dog, Archie Bronson Outfit, Keren Ann, Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin, These Arms Are Snakes, Micah P. Hinson, Extra Golden.
(credit: Pitchfork)

CMJ doesn’t disappoint when it comes to adding bands with big, big buzz. If you haven’t heard of ANY of these bands, you are a sad person or you still think that the bands on the radio are “hot.” Let me politely inform you that you are wrong.

Actually, just go to Google and check out some of the bands. There is something for everyone. You don’t like Tapes ‘n Tapes? Fine. Check out Rahim.

Something for everyone.
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Mahavatar – From the Sun, the Rain, the Wind, the Soil

Everclear – Welcome to the Drama Club

El Presidente – El Presidente

Outkast – Idlewild

Ima Robot – Monument to the Masses
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Top Ten Things Ssquared Loves About Broken Dial:
10) It has a super cute logo.

9) The free stuff he gets, he wants to listen to.

Exposing Inside Pulse fans to new artists and turning new readers into IP fans.

7) The t-shirt ideas are endless.

6) Our zone color isn’t orange (which SMS hates because he is a redhead, remember?)

5) Greg Wind.

4) Kyle David Paul

3) Salty and Toby.

2) Less Time-Consuming to Write Stuff.

1) Any opportunity to keep writing about music is good while getting to interact with readers around the world who love what you love and listen to bands you listen to or at least try to.

I made it to 50 columns. I started out without pictures, then I had too many in different sizes. Then I learned how to make our links the appropriate colors of each section. I added the YouTube Video Feature (which will be there in Broken Dial as well!) and received more feedback for that than over any other thing I had done or said.

Thank you for reading. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have agonized over columns, felt badly about missing deadlines when things went really badly for me, but your support over the shoulder nonsense and the like was rad.

Sure, I never beat Cam for writer of the year, but I won the May Madness tournament in one of JF2K6′s final columns. It meant a lot to win such a stupid little thing, as it was voted on by IP writers…my peers.

I want to thank Matthew Michaels for bringing me into the fold during V1, to Widro for letting me know that I didn’t suck by handing me the reins in V3, and to everyone who has ever read any part of Stuff I Think and Shouldn’t Say in the past year and a half. If I made you laugh (or groan because the jokes weren’t any good) or made the day a little less annoying, every second was worth it and it was fun.

Check out Broken Dial when we launch on Monday. Buy independent music. Support MachineGunFunk and Beyond the Threshold. They’re good people as well.

Keep it real!
Ssquared
Ssquared @ MySpace

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