Have you made a promise today? I’ve been thinking about promises this morning, not in the least because Jeff Tweedy’s “Promising” came up randomly on my MP3 player. We say things we mean and throw on the words “I promise.” Sounds simple, and it always seems appreciated. It’s a noble thing to do, but eventually promises get worn down by over use and promises that don’t stand up. Where are you then? Can you vow, oath or decree, or have you spent your last nickel in the promise department?

Promises start not because someone feels something strongly exactly, but because the listener needs something more than a statement to feel good about the outcome. So it’s a deposit on that outcome. If I offer to get milk on the way home, I can’t physically deliver the milk before I’m home. But maybe my wife would need to plan her day far differently if I can’t deliver, so I promise.

I’m telling her to go about her day as if I already brought the milk home because it will be there when she needs it. If not, she has every right to a) be three times more pissed than if I just said I couldn’t do it and b) take my promises less seriously.

I’m a sucker for semantics, but you can see that the promise is in the mind of the listener. The speaker puts the promise there and has responsibility for it, but the listener is really the promise “keeper.” It’s a token to hold. That’s why promises are such strong and popular topics for songs. We’ve all held on to tokens that ended up having no value, either as a three year old who didn’t get to go to the park or a lover left. The level of trauma varies, but we can all relate.

Here are three songs (including the Jeff Tweedy tune mentioned above) that share the need for something to believe in, the pain of not meeting promises and the danger of finding yourself too deep in a promise gone bad. Just something to consider in case you’ve made any promises today.

The Violent Femmes’ song “Promise” just might be the least liked song in the world, based on the fact that a ton of people bought the self-titled album for a few catchy tunes and got this needy, clingy, not catchy song along with it — but it isn’t without merit. Gordon Gano’s bare insecurity defines an awkward moment many people go through, hopefully early enough in their romantic lives that there is plenty of time to recover their pride and strike out confidently on the path to a committed loving relationship once again. Gordon needs a promise that his love is not in vain. What’s the target of his affection to do? Maybe that’s why people squirm and make a sour face when listening to this song. Do you make the promise and keep the sad guy around for a while or do you recognize that no self-respecting lover has a promise fetish, making the uncomfortable break that’s better for everyone? I know which way I’d lean, but I’ve never been a teen aged girl. My experience with them as a teen aged boy doesn’t leave me confident in either outcome.

Lyle Lovett knows about broken promises. This haunting tune is equally in place on Road to Enscenada, his album filled with stories of failed love, and the Dead Man Walking soundtrack. You know what that’s about. It isn’t a dance number and if there’s a wedding band that knows this one, I’ll give you a dollar. As the one who knows he made a bad promise, Lyle stands up to take the fall out, offering everything but living up to that now empty promise. He may have already broken it. “Words are like poison that bend you and bind you,” he sings, while offering to cut off his hand if a finger would absolve him. That was one bad promise.

In case that tale of admitting defeat makes you think it’s better to just live up to a bad promise, Jeff Tweedy has another set of wise words for you. “So comforting to wear your ring, over my head, around my finger.” Like some of Lyle Lovett’s best songs, there are several ways to read the line. It’s in the phrasing. Is the ring over his head like a halo, a burden or a guillotine? The pay off line, “I must have known that you were just promising,” gives off a tone of disappointment, but it still isn’t clear how deep the wound is. It’s as if he’s giving a mulligan on that silly old promise from a toothy-smiled girl. The new promise to each other: not to admit defeat. How’s that for a double edged sword? There are three ways to lose (breaking a promise, fighting without getting anywhere and living a life of quiet frustration) and only one way to win. From the sound of things, I don’t like his odds.

Promises are great if you understand what you are getting yourself into, take your word seriously and keep the promise holder up to date on the value of that token. But pop music is littered with lessons about broken, bad and ill-advised promises. Proceed with caution.

Violent Femmes - Promise [mp3]
Lyle Lovett - Promises [mp3]
Jeff Tweedy - Promising [mp3]

Get ‘em before they’re gone (you have seven days or until someone asks me to pull them). You’ll be glad you did. I promise.

Get future editions of this column and others by Greg Wind via e-mail.

Last 5 posts by Greg Wind

• Beating the Drum - Mom to Universal: "Let's Go Crazy" Again - April 28th, 2008
• Common Materials: Austin Kleon - April 25th, 2008
• Beating the Drum -- From the "We Told You So Department" - April 23rd, 2008
• Between the Notes: April 19 is Record Store Day! - April 17th, 2008
• The Cat Empire - So Many Nights Review - April 14th, 2008