If you’re going to play “dumb” rock or “cock” rock, you need to sound completely unhinged and dangerous. To sound bored just ruins it. Bands like the Stooges or AC/DC were great because yeah, they were incredibly simplistic and moronic but it was genuine insanity. I don’t doubt that the Stooges wanted to search and destroy or that AC/DC wanted to rock you all night long. The problem with Brooklyn’s The Volunteers [Myspace] and their latest release is that they sound completely bored. Singing ridiculous shit when you’re bat-shit insane works. Singing ridiculous shit with a sigh and a guitarist who is checking his watch every other song with a drummer who’s seems to be plotting his escape back to his day job just ends up embarrassing. This album is completely devoid of passion.
Maybe these songs translate better live but on record they just sound bored. They hit all the notes and nail the solos but it’s just lacking. Everything from the faux cheesy 1950’s spoken interlude during “Recyclin’ Bin” to almost every single lyric just feels put on, disingenuous, and a failed attempt at irony. It’s bad and I feel bad trashing this album but I almost feel like I’m the victim of a joke put upon me by The Volunteers.
Did I mention the lyrics really suck? They’re horrible. They don’t even work on a Stooge-ian level. Here are the three worst offenders:
“When I die, if you want, you can fuck my ghost, it would be nice to know that I could still get laid”
“Even God likes bitches and booze, yeah”
“I wanna be a cave man, I want to start all over again, I wanna be a cave man, I want to go back to the beginning, human humans, I am afraid of humans”
To play beer-swilling, balls-out, rock and motherfucking roll, you need to set out to destroy the world. The Volunteers sound like they’re out to destroy a retirement home.
Score: 1/5
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15 comments for “The Volunteers – Spectrophilia Review”
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The Volunteers sound like they’re out to destroy a retirement home.
best line ever.
riggggggght
if you thought this album was crap, wait until you hear our first album!
http://www.thevolunteersrock.com/evengodlikesbitchesandbooze.html
its even worse!
Thank you, Volunteers, for showing up and having a sense of humor. That’s why even with a bad score, I am pretty sure that we <3 you.
Dear Volunteers
Thank you for responding to my completely trashing you with humor and not threatening my existence. We both share this city and it would not be too hard to find out where I sleep at night. Please completely cut loose on your next album (and seriously, work on the lyrics a little?) so I can say positive things next time. I really want to say positive things. I do.
- Mr. Reviewer.
Dear reviewer, if you didn’t like our second album, you probably won’t like our third album.
that doesn’t mean you won’t like our weed. drop us a line and lets get high man!
The Volunteers are now called Bones Howell… and you can download their new album here: http://Boneshowell.bandcamp.com
Warning it sucks pretty bad!!
WOW – you sucked so bad that you had to change your name to escape all the bad press you were getting? Ouch.
wow this is truly amazing! almost two years after the pathetic and sad Tom Williams slagged the Volunteers and than feebly approached our manager in an attempt to get a paying job with his company LOL ROFL he is now posting updates about us and claiming to be Bones Howell! amazing! you are such a loser Tom Williams!!!! You just can’t enjoy your celibacy in the privacy of your own home, you have to go around posting stupid blogs about unknown bands that nobody cares about anyways! the jokes on you Tom Williams because you are fat, balding, and have not been laid in weeks lol!
Actually, the person in question wasn’t even connected to Tom and Tom is skinny and has all his hair. You’re desperate here and that’s sad. Tell Richard I said so as this shit was unprofessional a year ago and it’s even worse now. Please get a grip.
wow “the real Bones Howell”… are you aware of the definition of insecurity? you shouldn’t have to defend your music so much if it’s good….
A couple of things to address -
1. While I have gained some weight (thanks for noticing, I’m a bit sensitive about it!), I come in at a relatively lean 178lbs and 5’11″. That’s a BMI of 24.8 for those of you keeping score at home. 18.5 to 24.9 is considered normal, therefore, I am objectively not fat. Barely.
2. Thanks to my awesome genes, my hair is thicker than your mother’s rug. I have noticed a couple of white hairs, however. Again, like your mother’s pubes!
3. I was last “laid” at approx. 10:30am yesterday, as my girlfriend will gladly attest.
4. As you may or may not know, our handy little blog here logs the e-mail AND IP address of everybody who posts on this site. You should consider as much before you falsely accuse me of posting as your manager, or whatever childish little PR stunt you’re trying to start here.
5. I’m sorry to hear you’re no longer with your management company, The Wink Winks. It’s cool though, d.i.y. is the way of the future and I’m sure you’ll be fine.
6. Nice name change too. If I in anyway tarnished he Volunteers name, causing this name change, I apologize now. Didn’t realize one little review on little ol’ blog would set into motion the events that would lead to the death of The Volunteer name. May it rest in peace.
7. Speaking of names, how’s the new one going for you? I see your new myspace has accrued 619 views in the 126 days since you’ve started it. This is 4.9 views a day, or roughly how many shits I take per 24 hours (my bowels suck).
8. Don’t let that lack of views get you down though. And if it does, I’m sure the three (as in: 3) friends you have will console you.
9. Oh shit, they’re all other bands. Friends are overrated anyways. Right?
10. I appreciate your (former) management company not hiring me, as I was soon after hired by one of the biggest and best labels in the country. You can now see my marketing campaigns daily in places such as Pitchfork, Techdirt, Stereogum, etc etc etc. (you know, those places that haven’t written your band)
11. Think of it. Had you not been childish and actually hired me, I could have put that marketing skill to work behind you guys, putting lipstick on that pig, so that you wouldn’t have to change your name/lose your management company/have three (as in: 3) myspace friends. Ahhh, what might have been!
Cheers!
Oh and I could barely understand that e-mail you sent me. The one where you said “will destroy you”? I assume you meant that “I will destroy you”? Capitalization, punctuation and grammar do count, even in hipster Williamsburg.
Also, in the words of Mitch Hedburg, embrace the contraction, man! Next time say “You’RE a sniveling piece of rat feces.”
FYI, Tom, but the first “new” message posted here to “drum up new interest” (I guess) gave the email address as the old management group. They sure swerved the shit out of me. Henceforth, I won’t even address comments on this post. In fact, I will probably disable comments so that the guys can get hard at work on their next endeavor and save up to buy some Ed Hardy shirts. BTW, look us up next time you want to diss us, it’s not cool to bite the hand that feeds – no one else reviewed you and no one else got on the phone with your manager to explain the why and how of internet journalism. Tom and I both are working on bigger stuff now: me with FoxSports and working digital marketing with the TV networks that your “gray-pubed” Moms watch [Tom's words, not mine], and him with the label and marketing for bands, you guys obviously missed the point. We get it. You didn’t You did suck. Now, I have a dinner to cook for my wife, so you can “go scratch”, you fucking punks. Good day!
LoL