I don’t want assume the voice of Stephen Colbert here but I almost feel as if I must.  Nation, there is something that has been bothering me lately.  Something troubling, unsettling, and dare I say un-American.  Okay, un-American is a bit much, but  it certainly is troubling.  You may have noticed by now a plethora of similarly named bands that make similarly sounding recordings and operate with a very similar aesthetic.  Some might even call this a “scene”; MTV did when they covered this so called movement last year.

I’m talking about No-Fi and that bands that fall under its banner, bands such as Wavves, Pens, Mazes, Sic Alps, Vivian Girls, Times New Viking, Jay Reatard, and No Age to name just a few.  Bloggers have been so excited, so obsessed with these bands, that I fear they may eat their dusty copy of Zen Arcade in their delusional state of ecstasy as they dish out platitudes of such intensity that they were last seen by the writers of holy scripture.  Nation, these bloggers must be stopped.  It’s not that they are wrong they’re just, well….lets call it mistaken.  Carried away.  Utterly bat shit insane.  Out of their freaking gourds.

Before I go further, let me assure you that I am no luddite or Pharisee.  I love punk, vinyl, scratchy garage rock, and lo-fi in general.  I prefer lo-fi recordings to slicker studio versions on all days that end in “y”, which is to say, always.  And yet, I cannot get behind this No-Fi movement despite its being seemingly custom tailored to my tastes.

No-Fi recordings actually piss me off.  Most of these bands are actually really good bordering on great.  They write simplistic yet incredibly catchy garage rock.  I want to love them but I cannot.  The problem is that they’ve made these awesome songs completely unlistenable.  Let me be clear here, Nation.  Raw recordings are good.  Recordings so raw that all you hear is an ear bleeding staticy fuzz aren’t.  If I wanted ear bleeding staticy fuzz I would mic up my vacuum cleaner and play it through a distortion pedal. 

Now I know the argument.  It’s an artistic statement.  It’s born out of necessity and poverty.  I call bullshit on both accounts.  First off, garage rock is not art; it’s four kids complaining about how they cannot get laid.  Always has been, always will.  But even if it was “art”, art that is intentionally nihilistic and deconstructive has to be at least viewable.  If this is about making a statement then making these recordings deliberately unlistenable is only making the statement that you don’t want to reach people at all, on any level.  If your goal is to create something that is not viewed or heard at all then don’t even go through the trouble of writing the songs.  Just shit in a can and get it on with the rest of your life.

Then there is the “necessity” argument, which is also easily dismissible.  The forefathers of this No-Fi movement, bands like the Replacements and Husker Du and Guided By Voices were just as poor (and likely much more so) and they had to operate with technology that was 25 years older and yet they produced recordings that were lo-fi but listenable (and highly enjoyable).

Some of these No-Fi bands ARE great.  No Age, Angry Angles, and Jay Reatard are all regarded as members of this movement but have released fantastic records, records that are great because you can actually hear them.  Times New Viking could release something great but they choose to be deliberately unlistenable.  Same goes for Wavves, Penz, Mazes, and the Vivian Girls.  I’m sure these bands are all transcendent live, and good for them, but their records are more or less shit and they will be until they stop recording onto their answering machine.  Until that day comes, Nation, No-Fi as a movement, ideology, and methodology is dead to me.

Times New Viking – “(My Head)” [mp3]
Vivian Girls – “Where Do You Run To?” [mp3]
Sic Alps – “Gelly Roll Gum Drop” [mp3]
Wavves – “Weed Demon” [mp3]
Jay Reatard - “Always Wanting More” [mp3]

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