Sorry for the delay in posting this last update about SXSW but I was recovering from the BIG ONE. What’s the BIG ONE you ask? “You have to ask?”, I ask in return. “You really have to ask?”.

The BIG ONE was (of course) Rachael Ray‘s SXSW party.

Now, before I go any further, I would like to go on the record saying that I’m reasonably sure this women is the anti-Christ, the Devil, or some combination of the two. I disavow being from “upstate” in large part because she’s currently upstate’s most famous export. I do not like Rachael Ray.

But I do like food and good music and free beer. Her party had all three in spades. And perhaps, just perhaps, I figured I’d get a bit of perverse joy by attending something so illogical as a Rachael Ray SXSW. So I went.

Apparently I was not alone in this thought process for when I arrived at the venue an hour early, the line was already two blocks long. Not long after I was in line, it extended another block. Ironically, despite the early hour (this was before noon on the final day of SXSW, so it converts to about 5 am in “real world” time), I saw nary a Dunkin Donuts cup of coffee. Looks like that sponsorship deal is a FAIL (or Dunkin Donuts is not in Texas yet. Either/or).

Despite getting in line an hour early, I had to wait TWO hours to get in. Two hours in the hot Austin sun (you ought to see my sunburns…). Thankfully the time passed quickly due to the company of those in line around me, especially Josh from Koss (the headphone manufacturers). Once we finally got into the venue, the first stop for most was the food. I was no different. Downstairs was Austin Seven Layer Sliders [Recipe]and Mac n Cheese Suiza [Recipe] and Ancho Soft Chicken Tacos [Recipe]. Now I’m no food critic (some would say I’m not much of a music critic either), but here are my thoughts. The Seven Layer Sliders and Mac n Cheese, while good, were nothing special. Nothing you would remember if it wasn’t “made” by Rachael Ray. However, the Tacos and Chilaquiles was pretty frickin’ good (Hint #1 That I’m Not A Food Critic: I just described a dish as “pretty frickin’ good”). So much so that I went back for seconds and was planning on hitting them up for thirds before I got really drunk and forgot about it. So maybe this Rachael Ray lady can cook after all. A little bit.

But onto the music, the supposed REAL reason I was here.

I mainly stalked out the upstairs stage because I decided that no matter how much I really wanted to see Airborne Toxic Event [MySpace], if I saw them over the New York Dolls, I’d pretty much deserve to be damned to the 7th layer of rock and roll hell – or at the least the 7th layer of a Rachael Ray slider. I managed to catch a few songs Bob Schneider [MySpace], who I’d never heard of outside to the raving love for him by those in line with me a few minutes earlier. I enjoyed him a would check him out on record.

Next was The Cringe [MySpace], fronted by Rachael Ray’s husband. One suspects this whole showcase is an excuse for Rachael to get Mr. Ray (note: not his real last name) some big time exposure. One also expects the band to be terrible which they weren’t, but they weren’t good either. Basically a bordering-on-middle-age bar band. they didn’t embarrass themselves, so I would classify the show as a massive success for them.

The New York Dolls [MySpace] were next. Despite seeming genuinely bewildered by playing (or being awake, for that matter) before the sun had set, I was sort of shocked by how good the band was and how much they seemed to enjoy to be there, playing. I’d not high hopes for this reunion 30 years after the fact but the band sounded great and really seemed to be enjoying themselves. They were here because they loved to play. It’s nice to see that from a band that has been shit on so much and has been around for so long. I suppose it’s the only reason why they’re still around. David Johanssen was engaging and funny: “We have a new record coming out soon. It’s called “Cause I Said So”. I don’t know why we’re playing this show, we already got ourselves a record deal” [commence awesome rock and roll]. The low point of the set was an ill conceived cover of Janis Joplin‘s “Piece Of My Heart”. I was pretty thrilled they played Johnny Thunder‘s “You Can’t Put Your Arms Around A Memory” (with Sylvain singing lead for the first verse!). One interesting note about the New York Dolls. This is not a punk band. It’s a given fact they were vital to the formation of punk but they’re not a punk band: they’re a classic rock blues band. If anything, 80s hair metal owes the band a far greater debt that punk.

Also worth noting: watching Rachael Ray dance to the New York Dolls blew my mind out of my head and onto the wall behind me. I still have not recovered from this site.

The final band of the show was the Hold Steady [MySpace]. Now, did I mention there was a open bar for the entirety of this showcase. I got in at about 1pm. The Hold Steady went on at 5pm. I was double-fisting tall boys for most of the intervening time. You do the math.

That said, there is probably not a better band to see wasted that the Hold Steady, if only because it puts you on equal footing with the band. I don’t remember much about their set other than it was awesome and that I was about ten feet from Craig Finn and that they were really awesome. Really really awesome.

Post-show I stumbled over to the Convention Center were Josh from Koss hooked me up with an unbelievably awesome pair of Koss headphones. If you weigh the retail value of the headphones against what this entire trip cost me, I basically made out even. The moral of the story is: talk to the people in line with you. They may turn out to be incredibly awesome.

I made my way over across the Colorado River to see my final band of the night, Explosions In The Sky [MySpace]. Playing a massive outdoor show in front of tens of thousands of people seem to surprise and shock the band but they pulled it off. Terrible sound (for which I blame the sound guy, not the band) notwithstanding, it was an amazing show. The last song of the night featured an actual fireworks display. Literal explosions in the sky. Obvious? Yes. But undeniably awesome. What an incredible way to end my festival. Saturday was likely one of the best days of my life. This is what my musical heaven would be like.

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